Den of the Cyphered Wolf

Monday, August 4, 2014

How Greg Got His Swerve Back

No matter how hard I try I can't just kick it out my head so let me just write it out.

For the past 2 months I've been hinting that something has been bugging me. Here it is.

I had the ephiany that certain elements of my life were making me feel like I did circa 1999. I don't hate that guy but I hate the experience of being that guy. I like to think that I grew up. Sure I still get pissed thinking about all that stuff but life, the universe, and people are all better than I thought they were when I was 12.

I was miserable because I thought my life sucked and I didn't see a way to fix it so I just had to take it all in the hope that God or the universe or whatever would eventually balance things out.


Part of what made a miserable living potato sack was judging myself by a rule book that I was ill suited for. And my evolution as a human being has been about me throwing out that rule book and figuring out what's important to me, not what's important to everybody else, but what are the big things important to me and spending my time and energy on obtaining them.

I don't have a lot of money. I honestly do think that if I keep doing what I'm doing my life will get better in that regard but to me money isn't as important as other stuff. When I graduated college I realized I was going out into a bum economy so I consciously or decided I wasn't going to play that game. No matter what I wasn't going to make the money I wanted.

As far as a career went I wanted four things. Those are what's important to me and if I judge by that measure I'm not doing to bad for myself.
  • The opportunity to learn new skills and gain knowledge.
  • The opportunity publicly demonstrate those skills.
  • The opportunity to effect change in the world around me
  • And an exponential growth of the others 
Those things are opportunity and that will eventually lead to funds but even if they don't they provide one hell of a wild ride that's worth it. My thoughts might change if I hit rock bottom but all the same that's what's important to me. And why should I judge my self-worth on somebody else's scale. 

And as far as being that other guy. 

I am who I am. I like who I am. I don't like who I was. I am not going to be who I was. I will not let ANYBODY force me to go back to that.

And Gurren Lagann summed up the sentiment quite well.

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