Den of the Cyphered Wolf

Monday, September 7, 2009

I did what I did and no one else

On the day I speak face to face with my God,
I shall not beg pardon for my sins because they were not mine
I will tell him I did what I believed best at the time
Not what my parents believed best
Not what my teachers and professors thought best
But for better or for worse what I thought right
I made my choices and will not recant them
I bear the eternal burden of them

Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Mind Is a Dangerous Place

Too many paths
Too much data
Every thing screaming
Loud confused chaotic
A million different directions
Paths within paths
Ideas that come for only a fleeting moment
Never to be found again
But their importance was grasped
Data unclear
What does it all mean

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Good the Bad and the Downright Ugly

You want to know me
There’s too much
There’ Good there's bad
Cruelty and such
You have to take the ugly
But in the end I ain’t that bad

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Twelve Armies

Twelve armies lie locked by the sea
cross it they try
by taking to the sky
They are blinded by what they believe

For the spirits of old cry
when they see the innocents flee
What will come is worse than all perceive
For the sky will be scythed

From the wound the dragons will bleed
Belching and Burning they will uses flame and fire
to release their ire
And when they finally perish it will be our doom they have brought

For this is what our vanity has wrought
Our pride has triumphed
For what we had was not enough
And as goblins we gobble more like pigs in a trough

Sorrow, Sorrow

I wail on the walls of my life
Sorrow Sorrow
On the outside there is no strife
But inward Scars and marks
of failure desolation and loneliness lie on my red beating heart
Where to start?
Where did it end?
Alone Alone

Where to begin?
Shall I bear my sins.
Where is God?
Is it that I feel his absence.
Is that what pains me
There is a God, I know but a sign there is no
I live day to day
Just trying to make my way
But that is not enough
what else what else.

Why am I so sad
There is nothing I see that is bad
At least in my realm
In the controlled
But outside of these walls
I Fear I fear

I hear the horsemens' hooves but their trumpets are silent
All within is violent
Despite it all the world must go on and will
And I with it
where is my place within it
I don’t know I don’t know

I wait
Why wait
move damn it move
The world moves while I lie still and silent in the corners
watching the mirth and the blood run
laugh you they tell me
and I do

I laugh

but at night my knees held to my chest I cry not for them
but for me
and my uncertainty
what to do what to do

“What am I” I scream
And then in the darkness my lips curl upward in a terrible way
I am the beast
The wild thing forgotten
Living only now not then only now
I live to laugh as all is done on earth as it is in hell
and Not even God seems to care

Where is he within me
Where is God within Man
Within me Within Me

I though I had a priestly nature
Kind and pensive
But I have lost all thought
I refuse to look back
To look forward

Now Now
You don’t have character until you know regret
I know regret
Is that why I sorrow
For the things I should have done
People I should have helped
Things I should have said
Questions I should have asked
Now Now

The past is gone
I can never get it back
atone atone

Its not the fate of my soul I fear
But the former states of my mind

To face not only the deeds of wickedness I have committed
But the deeds of Honor I have failed to make
And Amends can not be made all there is to do is regret
And wonder will the opportunity to stand ever come again
Never Never
Perhaps that is why I have sorrow

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The New Mecca

The five points shall meet
All the bards of the day will take their seats
A new age will come
A renaissance on the horizon
The rise of the city will start
As it becomes a new Mecca of Art
Some will call it a crime
But generations later will call it sublime

Loud Silence

Too Quiet
I always enjoyed the quiet.
I found my peace, my center in it,
But, now I feel it’s a front on a fight
As Ajax said I’m tired of all this running and hiding
The peace has become a war

I Got No Game

I got no game.
I have not mastered the art of talking about sex while not talking about sex
The back and forth tennis match of erotic word play.
I got no game.
Nothing on the tip of my tongue pleases the ladies.
All my lines are too short.
My rhymes seem too forced.
It all seems rehearsed.
I don’t know when to stop and when to start.
When to speed up and when to slow down.
I got no game.

This Mind is Mine

This mind is mine
Think you know that’s fine
But always remember that this mind is mine
I’m closest to my closest thoughts
No… you can’t analyze it with ink blots

Hard as Rock

I am the mountain king
Unmoving unwavering
Strong as stone
And Hard as Rock

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I dream of a place

I dream of a place
A place of wonder
A place of limitless potential that grows from the heart
I long to go to that place of dreams
But I can’t see it
I long to know that it exists

Stars in My Head the Lion's Dead

Stars in my head
The lion bled
He curled his claws
Enraged by what he saw

Stars in my head
the lion bled
They ignored the old law
With no sign of awe

Stars in my head
The lion bled
Children die unfed
As the men continue to bed

Stars in My head
The lion is dead

Friday, March 13, 2009

Thining Tree

I am close to my prime as a man may be, but I feel age’s pull
I see my father becoming more and more surely, and fear it will happen to me.
I see my grandmother’s frailty and fear it will happen to me.
I see my mother’s worried brow and fear it will happen to me.
It already is. I see closing doors and wallow in thoughts of past mistakes
I wonder when I have become as old as I will, is this a dream from which I will wake

Monday, February 9, 2009

To the Friends We Lost Along the Way

I should have spoke more.
I should have laughed.
I still live as though stuck in life,
Because I keep forgetting how quickly it can be taken,
That those who run and laugh and seem to be the most alive among us
Can be the first to die.
I wish I had more memories of you guys
But I do have the few jokes and advice of those who stood by me
Even when I was quiet or ill tempered,
To Those who would speak to me even when I was shy
and couldn’t get over myself.
To Phil, Julius, and Frank.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Flesh Against Flesh

Its in these hazy morning moments
That cardinal desire sets in.
I want to feel flesh against flesh
Not for lust but to know someone intimately
No, not even that. I want someone to know me intimately
For in the morning, in the bright orange lights people think differently
I think differently.
There are times when I think I am most me.
Only for fleeting moments am I truth
before the world sets in
Before I put on my costume for the day and go of with the yes sirs and I’m on its

I need a partner
Someone to share that with
Someone who can be themselves in front of me

And then I remember I don’t believe in love
That I’ve long ago given up hope of its existence
Everybody wears masks
And everybody myself included is too afraid to let their guard down
long enough to find that person
I’m too afraid to find that person
A person I trust with my soul
A person I trust to guard my true self

I don’t know if my true self is even worthy of that type of love.

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