Den of the Cyphered Wolf

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

The Argument

I am a black nerd, which is to say I am Black and I also tend to engage in media generally associated with dedicated and energetic fanbases. The two are not mutually exclusive.

My idea of a good weekend is ordering a pizza and marathoning whatever the new hotness is on Crunchyroll with intermediate bouts of video games and maybe a fantasy novel on the sly. That is my fun.  That is my jam. That has always been my jam. That will probably always be my jam.

But I am also black and fully aware that at least a reason why Trump won the white house was his overt appeals to white grievance.  Let me say it explicitly. DONALD TRUMP IS A RACISTMADE APPEALS TO RACIST SENTIMENT, AND CONTINUES TO MAKE APPEALS TO RACIST SENTIMENT!

He did that.

But more than that from where I sit Trump is incompetent and the reason why the electorate and yes even Republican leadership is willing to dismiss that incompetence because of that  racism. For a lot of them, it's a feature, not a bug.

People are willing to ignore everything about Donald Trump BECAUSE he reassures white racists, or sexists "or whatever" else that yes they are firmly in control of the country. And since they won the White House and the congress and are well on their way to a Supreme Court majority, yeah they kind of do. Life sucks get a helmet.

That is my reality. That that is the world I live in. That is the nail in my brain. That is my life. I don't like it but it is what it is.


Damn near every week I have hear some new controversy about ehem a "fan movement". And regardless whatever the spark was this time they all boil down to being mad about the same thing. And that same thing is directly related to all the crap I just described.


I am just about sick of all that noise.

I know other groups of people have it worse off than me, a black dude from the burbs. but I've had to put up with a lot of shit over the years from media that otherwise, I'm pre-disposed to loooooooove.

(To anybody who comes at me saying I want to destroy Star Wars and hate it. Shut up! I love Star Wars, and I will probably die loving Star Wars.)

I also want to be clear. I kind of sucks when your favorite show or movie series, or comic book series veers off in a direction you can't stand and you have to give it up. And it's not out of bounds to criticize cast and crew when that happens.

But all of these fan movements have the same central complaint, that these pieces of fiction are trying to appeal more to people who aren't them and that criticism almost always immediately devolves into racist and sexist harassment as people start crying "SJWs (anybody concerned about issues race, class, sexuality or gender) ruin everything".

And it's not cool. It's not alright. And it's going to keep happening. Because that's where we are right now.

That is my reality. That that is the world I live in. That is the nail in my brain. That is my life. I don't like it but it is what it is.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

For the Sake of the Record

So I ran out of money to keep doing the blog... again and I have some strong feelings about that. In order to keep what I call, "brain leakage" (a state where I am unable to keep negative thoughts and feeling from affecting what I say and do) at bay I've been mostly writing stuff offline to sort out how I feel about it but somebody asked so here goes.

It takes money to keep up the blog and it's never been self-sustaining. I've also had trouble finding money otherwise in my personal life and am in huge amounts of debt. In all honesty, restarting the blog in January was a pretty irresponsible move on my part along with other things I did, that shall go unmentioned. But at the time I wrote down (again offline) what I was doing and why and I understand the logic of me of six months ago even if I can't say with a straight face I'd make the same choices, though yeah I probably would. I'm a predictable little bastard. 

This sort of stuff is what I want to do with my life and if I have the capacity to do it I will. I just don't right now. And yeah it bugs me but it is what it is at the moment.

All that having been said I'm not as angry as I was the last time things kind of fell apart. Even if I don't have the power to do all the stuff I want to do right now, I know how to rebuild things in my head and know that me not being in a position to do what I want isn't a permanent state. Or to put it another way in 2017 I was a bit of a junkyard dog, but the simple act of proving to myself that I can rebuild things has helped calm me down and find ... peace.

And Megalobalboa didn't hurt either.

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