Den of the Cyphered Wolf

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

A Candid Discussion on The Transition Between Teenagerdom and Young Adulthood

Seeing as I sometimes work as a substitute teacher I'm probably shooting myself in the foot, but writing my review for Beware the Gonzo I've uncovered I have some emotional baggage from my teenage years and who knows, maybe my being candid could help somebody out who needs it. Plus that was why I originally started writing to help me deal with the bullshit.

First off let me say. Who the hell am I really to give advice. My life is not exactly where I want it to be.  Nope this is mostly me just trying to cope with my life decisions and sort of justify why I am the way I am.

No matter who you are, or what walk of life you're from being a teenager sucks. If it didn't you're wearing nostalgia goggles. Sometimes it's the teenager's fault their life sucks. By their nature their cruel, lazy, shortsighted, selfish or some combination there of. At some point we tend to grow out of that. On the other hand the suckiness of teenage life sometimes isn't their fault. Some kids have to grow up too soon and deal with stuff they shouldn't have to. Some kids get bullied. Some kids have to deal with the pressure of knowing that life is about to kick their asses. And all of that happens without them having the life experience to know how to deal with all of that. It's all a big guess because nobody deals with life the same way. How do I deal with negative experience in a healthy way? As you get older you develop mental strategies to cope with emotion and decision making, and there is no standard issue guidebook on practical individual psychology. The only real guide is the one thing kids don't have, life experience.

If you're a "good caring parent", you're  are going well "why don't they come to me". Here is why.  Sometimes they do. And kids should at least always talk to the folks. But again this took me years to figure out, while parents mean well you have to think through their advice. The road to hell was paved with good intentions. You can mean well and still have bad results. You instinctively know this as a teen, but don't think it out until later.

Parents tend to have nostalgia goggles.- Once you get through it you can laugh at it. (In theory.)  Hell it's how I cope with spending an hour upside down on my back trying to undo a backwards gym lock  Or fishing my books out of a toilet, or getting punched in the shoulder every  goddamned hour of every goddamned day.  At the time I was pissed.  At the time I didn't know what to do. And more importantly at the time I thought that was what my life was going to be like.Okay I need some distance here. Even without the bullying kids have to deal with emotional crap. Again with the advent of time heated emotions and hormones fade, but when close to it things can get messy.

Parent's judge their kids too and sometimes they don't need that.- The implication of advice is, "I would do." Which implies "I know what to do."sometimes kids, who the hell am I kidding, everybody just needs somebody to listen and let them sort things out themselves. And despite themselves some parents have a hard time just doing that. That is why therapists often keep their mouths shut.  Being in a situation you don't know how to deal with, and being told that it's easy to deal with, ...hhhwh... can be frustrating and insulting, And moreover can just make things worse in a really bad situation.  Because let's face it for the real problems and yes sometimes the young have real problems, there is are no easy answers. There are no quick fixes. You do the best you can and pray.

Age Gap - Let's get to the point. What worked in 1972 doesn't necessarily work in 2013. The world changes. 'Nuff said.

Personality Differences - Look I was never into sports. Which to this day is a point of contention between me and my father. His solution to most of my high school problems would be for me to have gotten into sports. I don't see how that would have worked.

Also I'm a more introverted guy and that's not something that can easily nor do or did I want to be easily changed. I'm a loner. I like being a loner. It's a crucial part of my personality and identity, and I just wouldn't feel like me if it changed, As stated in another post there is no quicker way to get on my bad side than trying to, "fix" me.

People tend to be me centric.  You think of yourself as normal and so all parental advice comes from that, "normal" perspective. For an insecure teen, normal is the enemy.

In those years you're trying to figure out who the hell you are, because in all honesty you don't know. You don't know who you like, what you like, what you'll fight for, what you'll let slide, what you want to be or what you can be. You don't know any of that. Yet you know it's important, because that's the age you become acutely aware that people are looking. And even if you don't care about the answers to those questions they do.

Because you don't know you just try to give them the answers they're looking for. You start letting everybody else determine who you are.  And though I said it in the Beware the Gonzo follow up, it bears repeating. THAT CAN BE VERY VERY VERY BAD.

Your friends though they won't admit it are in the same damn boat treading water.

In my mind "adulthood" came I figured something out.  My opinion of myself is the priority. I should strive to be the man I want to be. Not the man my friends want me to be, not the man my teachers want me to be, not the man my parents want me to be. The man I want to be. I'm the guy who who is forever stuck with himself.

Furthermore as I get older I realize the answers to those questions tend to sort themselves out.  I know what I think is important because that's the stuff I'll fight for. It's the stuff I have a 2-hour argument over. Or rather it's the stuff I sidestep having an argument over and do whatever the hell I want anyway. I know who I like because those are the folks I can stand to be in the same room with of my own volition. And in regards to love, and romantic engagements well that's another big distraction that will probably sort itself out eventually. It's not that they're unimportant, but agonizing over them the way I did 10 years ago is not going magically help me figure it out. I am but myself once more. I am unable to be anymore or less than that.

College helped. As a kid and even as a young adult I kept feeling that something was wrong with me. In college I found people who dressed how I dressed and liked what I liked. While I still have anxieties over money, and crap like that, I actually like myself.  I am proud of the guy I am and screw every fuckin' other thing. That was rude. Is that the sort of man I am? Rude?  Rude and not ginger.

Doctor Who - Great Big Threatening Button by rockerman82

Anyway. Honestly I thought one of the best fictional depictions of what adolescence is actually like was Freaks and Geeks. Have a go at it.

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