I AM CAMERON.
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Okay I have to write something. Here goes. You know part of the reason I write this blog is in small way it lets me be the guy I want to be divorced from all my self imposed limitations. It allows me to get over whatever guilt I happen to be feeling about my emotions, opinions, identity, whatever.
Here I am the guy I wish I was. Closest thing to a digital Shaft I'll ever be. Oh who am I kidding Seamus Harper is the actual template.
In real life...
I AM CAMERON.
...Who despite the title is arguably the main character, Will Turner to Ferris' Jack Sparrow. But the movie is what? 30 years old and firmly lodged in the John Hughs cannon. You've seen it and chances are you like it.
No I'm writing this one for me. When Greg was in Egypt land let my Greg go.
Here is a not so secret secret I use movies and the writing about there of to give myself enough emotional distance to publicly discuss whatever personal issues I'm going through. Though sometimes I do indeed just want to catch a flick. If you pay attention you can see my frustrations, joys, sorrows, curiosities ect. slipping through the cracks.
One of the reasons why it took me so long to get through Hatchin and Michiko was because my original draft started as a 5 paragraph rant about bullying, dignity, mental freedom, and self worth when the first episode hit too close to home. A good chunk of the show is about Hana learning how to call people on it when she feels their taking advantage of her. I've stood in mirrors and given the "You are a jerk!" speech too late to make a difference and still do.
After watching the show for a third time I realized the Michiko-Hatchin dynamic is more or less the same as the Bueller Cameron dynamic and the same rules apply.
As in there is a lot of credibility to the theory that Bueller/Michiko/The Cyphered Wolf) is a constructed coping mechanism built to help Cameron/Hana/Me deal with his shitty shitty life. His uncertainty about his future, his emotionally distant father, his non-existent love life, his social anxiety, as well guilt and denial about all of the above.
So.
I AM CAMERON!
And this is going to be one of those.
On the other hand I do substitute teach on the side so apart from my neurosis and dad issues there is that angle on the film. As a quasi-teacher how do I feel. But you know what despite myself I'm in a half decent mood and am taking the giant stick out of my butt. There I have to be "responsible" or "you might put an eye out".
Here. It's just me ... well me and an internet audience so me and everybody. I've never felt comfortable being that guy. I may be a hapless nerd but I do have a sense of fun and when possible fair play. I don't like being the "stop having fun guy". Of course you get over it pretty quick when you see someone playing the pencil game, or knocking over chairs, or getting into stupid fights, or throwing paper you know you'll have to clean up later AT YOU ...when you're the impotent sane man in the room and "please have a seat" doesn't work.
Maybe that's why I tend slip into the Ben Stein voice when annoyed. Nobody ever listens to a thing I have to say, in any facet of my life except this one. Anyone. Anyone. Okay then.
I don't want to hate kids. I know what it's like to have everybody around you think they know what's best when they don't have a clue what your life is. I know that's the last thing anybody needs. Somebody else telling you who you are, and how you've screwed up every goddamn day of your life. I have a pathological hatred of the concept of advice. There is no silver bullet for life. You just do the best you can.
Anyway ...the thing about the movie that again everybody knows is that Bueller is a complete tool. What makes the film interesting is how his antics force everybody around him to react.
I AM CAMERON.
"He'll make me feel guilty. This is ridiculous. I'll go I'll go I'll go. God damn it!"
From the first time I saw this movie I related to Cameron. Don't worry I'm not going to say it again. But as I'm watching it I also find myself relating to Jeanie who's pissed that Bueller can get away with stuff she couldn't dream with. I've felt that, especially as a kid in school. Hell I still feel that watching this movie.
I'm not being so subtle in the fact that I want to punch Bueller in the face. "What makes him so goddamned special" Especially as he drags Cameron who doesn't want any trouble kicking and screaming along for the ride. All the while making arrogant assumptions comments about him.
It always pissed me off when I got pulled into a "You're going to have fun and like it damn it"scenario. Can't I just rent a movie that could be fun. No! That is fun for me. I'm not the sad sack everybody thinks I am.
Aaannd there go my "junior" issues.
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