A Claymore Isn’t a Rapier!

Robin Hood
The Sheriff of Nottingham
Maid Marianne
Heckler 1 Audience member
Heckler 2 Audience Member
Hush Guy 1 Audience Member
Hush Guy 2 Audience Member

The Curtain Opens. Robin and the sheriff are already clashing swords but the swords are way too big for how their holding them.

Robin: I will not have you besmirch Marianne’s honor.

Nottingham: You’re too late we were already wed.

Heckler: Boooooo! Get off the stage you hacks!

The action stops for a moment as but then starts as he actors try to continue.
Robin: whispering just stay in character louder Not if you haven’t yet consummated it .

Nottingham: Good point. I will as soon as I kill you. And trust me I’ll make it so I love it and she hates it.

Marianne screams

Heckler 1: For god sakes hold the damn sword with two hands or at least have a better stance. A claymore isn’t a rapier you know.

Nottingham: Shut up or I’ll put this Claymore threw your gut.

Heckler1: That’s what I’m talking about the claymore is more of a slashing sword than a stabbing sword. Couldn’t you say I’ll chop your head off with this claymore or something.

Nottingham: I swear before God and Heaven above I’ll chop of your head then carve out you eyes with this claymore if you don’t suddenly screaming shut the hell up!

Heckler1: Um Yes Sir Nottingham.

Nottingham: See Robin that’s the sort of respect you should show me.

Robin: I’ll never cower before you.

Heckler2: He’s right you know. Both Robin and Nottingham simultaneously turn their heads towards the new heckler. The blades too heavy to fight the way you’re fighting. And what was with the eye carving thing couldn’t just have him drawn and quartered that would be more painful.

Nottingham: I’ll have you drawn and quartered.

Robbin: This oppression of the people must be stopped Nottingham even if the only way to stop it is to kill you. Robin thrusts the blade and the sheriff parries it.

Heckler1 : For Christ’s sake you don’t parry with a claymore.

Hushguy1: Seriously will you be quiet. You’re ruining the play.

Heckler2: But he’s right. What if people played basketball with soccer balls?

Hushguy2: You guys are thinking way too much about this just enjoy the show.

Heckler1: All I’m saying is that there should be standards in the realism of the show and that a claymore is not a rapier.

Hushguy1: For the purpose of my amusement I will call a claymore a rapier.

Nottingham: Excuse us. Can’t I kill a man in cold blood in peace?

Robin: You shall not win this fight.

Marianne: But they have a point.

Nottingham,: You’re suppose to just sit there flailing your arms and screaming in fright.

Marianne: Who says?

Nottingham: whispering I don’t know the director, the playwright. Louder The bloody sheriff. This title does more or less put me in charge you know.

Marianne: All I’m saying is that an object is what an object is and should be treated as such.

Nottingham: Look let me just kill Robin then we can all be on our way back to actual reality okay. Picks up the sword and try’s to stab Robin but Robin doges him and hits him with the hilt of his sword. Stand still so I can kill you.

Robin: Uh no.

Nottingham: Uh yes tries to hack Robin's hand off

Robin: Whispering What are you doing?

Nottingham: You said to stay in character. Plus they want real.

Robin: Yeah, um but this is just a play right

Nottingham: I mean we can make it a little more convincing can’t we?

Robin: Dude look there’s only like 30 seconds left. Let me just stab you and call it a day.

Nottingham: Rolling eyes Why do I always end up with the agonizing death scene?

Robin: Well you could repent your evil ways and lower taxes.

Nottingham: Death it is then. Make it good. Robin stabs him. Oh I will get you back in the afterlife Robin of Locksley. Ah Ah Spasms Uh Body twitches a bit

Heckler1: Finally Its over.