Pain

Some days I think I know pain
That my lot is unfair and bare
But then I remember that I still have chance
My book is unwritten, my eyes still open
Some don’t have that
I still do not know death

Very Few people who I have known in my life are dead
I know for sure I live
My mother and father are living
And so I should continue to honor them
And the gift of life God has given me

I must continue and have hope that when my last days do come
The man I am now will be able to be proud and unashamed
Of the man I have become
And for that to occur
I must stand and not wallow in the days of darkness

Heart of Bohemia

Free livin’
Free Roamin’
Free Thinkin’
Just letin' the revelations come slowly
Cause when they come quickly
They leave quickly
And I want to keep those glimpses of truth
Because from the glimpses I eventually see a larger view
Of what is truth

My one True fear

I was once asked what I feared
My first response was heights
I was wrong
All my life I was told I was odd
Strange, Eccentric, Touched, weird, maybe insane
And I wonder
Am I the only one
Who thinks similar thoughts
Who dreams similar dreams
Who fears
And sometimes wants to disappear
That is the one fear that makes me cry
Am I alone
Hope No
But Still
Am I alone
I’m not I know
But Still
Am I alone
But then when sorrow comes I moan
I am Alone

Love’s Reprise

Okay Okay I was a little harsh
But my heart’s on a bit of a march
I need a girlfriend
And spring is calling
I feel I’ve got the time to spend
And may be my heart won’t rend.

A woman who will give me joy.
Sly and Coy
Wild and at the same time mild
Quick on her feet
She’ll make me jump out of my seat.
And give a small quiet wink.

New Lost

One side is Oblivious.
The other, definitely not in genius.
And the two can never come to an
Agreement
While their guns go a blastin’ at home
And away
The country is fasting
And is fastly withering away
To an unfair dispair

Bohemian Cacophony

Harmony yes but its also about embracing
The cacophony.
irration and passion.
The moment moves ,
The moment creates a sound all its own,
Sometimes out o’ sync with the ones before,
And the ones to follow

But that don’t make it hollow
It’s still beautiful
Immutable
Cause it exists
And to ignore it
Is to resist
The truth of this little note
That too often stands alone

Return to Life

I’ve found at last what I lost
The knowledge that time flows and twists and turns
And that there’s more than what I see
To stop worrying about cost
I’m now free
I can do anything
At the drop of a hat
Keep on livin’
I was bound by my own mind
There are no limits
None at all
The world turns
And order never lasts
There are more options just A and B
More than a to z

Nomad

I believe that I am curious,
But in these times it is becoming harder to utilize
That sense.
Society says I should specialize.
Its getting harder to explore a new idea.
Because in exploration
One must move from one place to the next.
And from mountain to ocean
I think we have forgotten this notion.
Is it a good thing that mental nomads are becoming extinct.
Is my curiosity going to have to go down the sink

The Tale

I walked along and saw this crazy dazed out cat
He said hey man where we at
I told him
Were close to the old rail road tracks
Yawning with a tired look on his face
He had good cause for leavin’ this place
To find a good solid trace of humanity, and joviality
This is my tale which I hope has failed not to make your mind gale.

The thing no man can take

I own nothing
I got no cash
I still live wit’ my folks
The one thing I have
The one thing no man can take
Is my mind
And what lies in it
Words pictures tunes
Ideas and memories

I got to Stop it

Too Many problems
Yeah I know I got em’
I’m paranoid greedy an spiteful
But inside I know
I’m a good man
Not always, but when I see someone in true need
Or
Someone hurt
I try to help
I try to make the world just

Education of the Childlike Man

I sit in the restaurants and on the buses
I have a blank face and silent lips
But My Mind is anything but blank and silent
It stops and sips up all info as it comes to grips
As reality crushes its ideals
and all the truths it thought to be undeniable
And finds new ones inescapable

The Revolving Door

Around and around
Go through one in one end
And out the other
It's quick
And nobody thinks of it
Till they been in it too long
And wonder when will I go out to the other side

A Ghost in this Shell

Alone at first,
I think it’s solitude.
Then a hand reaches in,
And I wonder
Should I not break free of this shell.
Is this my curse?

Finding Eden Chapter 1

I hate this. Everybody tells me my high school years are going to be the best years of my life but damn it, yesterday I slept ‘till twelve. I had freedom. I for the most part could do whatever I wanted. Going through this every year pisses me off. I just want to go home sleep eat, and do whatever the fucking else I want.

Okay I guess now is the time for introductions. My name is Elijah Erick Alvins. Most of my friends call me De which is short for Double E. In case you weren’t paying attention today is the first day of ninth grade for me, and I am not looking forward to it.

“Wake up Evan,” My Mother says. I reach for my black electronic clock that she bought just a few days earlier in preparation for today. Crap, forgetting to set it was a real mistake because now I am forced to listen to her give me the responsibility speech, which she was probably going to give today anyway.

“Son you’re in high school now. In four years you’re going to be on your own. You can’t forget things like this. It may seem like a small mistake now but in a few years it could cost you your job. ”

I don’t remember what she said after that, because about then I started playing “Slim Shady” in my head. I forgot half of the third verse but I had the melody down.

A few minutes later I was in the shower. As the water ran down my back I thought what will happen on this day. Whatever it is it has disrupted my summer days and I was not going to like it. My greatest possession was my liberty. And in one day it was ripped away from me. In one day it was beyond my reach. They always do it. They give you two and a half months where they tell you have your fun, relax, do as you will. Then they grasp you back to the cold monotony of routine and obedience that they force you to follow for the rest of the year. I wonder if they are trying to condition me, to make me a dog without dignity for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I wish that I lived in the woods. We think we lost Eden. Eden lost us. We had to complicate it with currency and career. We couldn’t just live with what God gave us, the fruit of the trees and the meat of the beasts. We had to reach for the better tool, the better way. What if I don’t want a better way? What if I fine just surviving? Then they’ll brand me a bum, and no one wants to be what society tells them no one should be.

After getting dressed, I grabbed a notebook, a pen, my wallet and my keys and set down a road I did not desire. On the way I met up with John. John is one of the few human beings whose company I enjoy. “Hey it’s De.” he says to me
“How’s it going John”

“You know the usual. Some good, some bad, some not so sad. How ‘bout you”

“You know how I feel this time of the year”

“Yeah but you’re always up by October”

“True, but it’s August”

“Well think about it like this Elaine is back in town from that camp, and even if that complicates your life and ‘ll make you feel worse, which knowing your melancholy butt it will, there are all those fine fine high school beauties. Oh yeah and I know you hate me telling you stuff your parents tell you , but young man,” he mocked, “you are going on an grand adventure where you will become the man you will be for the rest of your life as well as have experiences you will never forget. He Ha”

“Ha he, Thanks man you always know what to say to bring me back from a funk”
“One of the many talents of Jovial John I suppose”

Not long after we reached a large cluster of buildings. They would be my prison for the next four years. The mailing my parents received. Told me that as a freshmen I was to report to the Auditorium in building A to receive orientation, a schedule, and a locker. Of course the letter didn’t tell me which building was building A or which room in building A was the auditorium. I had to stop and ask a senior. He told me that building A was the building on the left and that the administration normally puts up signs as to where the auditorium is on the first day of school is. So, I continued to walk until I reached the place. Greeted by a false smile at the door, I was told to find seat and wait for orientation to begin.

An intimidating and large elderly man walked out onto the stage, and introduced himself as our principal. The man next two him told us that he was our councilor.

“This is your first year of high school. What you do in the following four years will have a profound effect on the rest of your life. These years will effect what college you will go to or even if you go to college. Mind you it is your choice whether you go to college, enter the work force, or join the military.” The giant man paced as he spoke. He told us mostly about school policy and every once and awhile try to impress upon us the importance of high school. Why do adults always think they can tell us everything? Our lives are our own. We live them. Part of that is finding things like that on our own. Sure we may dig holes for ourselves but what makes us grow is pulling ourselves out of them. But do they see that. Fuck no!

The rest of the day consisted of the normal first day of school crap. The runaround of stupid trivia and tours of places I don’t intend on setting foot on anyway. Well at least I got that out of the way.

One teacher gives me homework. He wants me to write my goals. I have one goal, and that’s to live my life my way.

On my way home I cross paths with Elaine. We always called her LA. She moved here from Cali a few years back. It just made sense, and of course it sounded like her real name. “Why didn’t you say anything to me.” She asks.
“Oh, I didn’t see you.”

“I sat in front of you at the assembly”

In truth I had seen her. Life gets complicated with exs. We dated before the summer. She broke it off to play the field. I defiantly wanted to avoid the conversation we were about to have.
“You want to get back together.”

“Why?”

“Why not”

“No, why didn’t you meet a boyfriend at camp.”

“Come on De”

“Eh you broke up with me, not the other way around., I’m perfectly fine with being single."

“Yeah, well maybe I’m not.”

“That’s your fucking problem. You know what. When you left I was lost, but then I found my self. I may not be happy but at least I’m not a bitch.”

“No but you’re a bastard”

At that we left.