Den of the Cyphered Wolf

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

To Thyself (I am getting too old for this shit)

In the past I put pride in a knowledge of myself.
I believed I knew who I was and that knowledge gave me strength of purpose.
This is what I am doing and even if onlookers were uncertain as to the why I was aware of it.
Because I knew myself. 

But as I age I worry that I change and that certainty is failing. 
I know the man of 10 years ago but do I know as well the man of now.
The man of 10 years ago was a man of the future. Always rushing for tomorrow.
But more and more I find events rushing towards me and not the other way around.

When I find myself in that place, without my usual slow deliberation it is much harder to discover the why.

Because my actions are more immediate it is harder to understand that those actions are still of me. 

They are the culmination of actions and choices I may have made months maybe even years ago. 

It is harder and harder to think of those choices as being made by this man rather the man of yesterday who at one point I intimately understood. 

Instead the events careening towards me are due promises, dreams of the abstract, that man made unto himself and I wonder if the man of today who must work to keep those promises would have made them in the first place. 

In English: I went to the bank and did some stuff to start turning this blog into more of a business and it's kind of freaking me out a little. But at least it means in a month or so there should be some cool stuff in the pipe like election and Youmacon coverage and I might even be able to get a camera for it and other ideas. So yay, and oh my god what happens if this all crumbles.

Screw it Miles. Seize the Damn Fish Already!

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